thoughts of joy (by adrian)

The last three days have been some of the most difficult. As some of you may already know, I had to make a very difficult decision to put my beloved dog Joy to sleep on Sunday 1st of February at around 2.30pm. She was diagnosed with bone tumor on Friday and has been noted by the vet to be in severe pain. I made the decision purely on the fact that I could not bear to see her suffer any more. She was 15, and has been with us for that long.It's funny how posts about pets sometimes split people. From those who would say it is justifiable to dedicate a whole post to a dog and those who would say that 'isn't it just a dog?' So for the benefit of everyone, I want to qualify by saying that Joy was not just a dog to us, she was family.She wasn't some dog we kept out in the rain for security, she was always sitting either by the side of my dad while he watches TV or by mine when I was finishing up my freelance writing. She ate when we did and she slept when we slept, and often times in the last year, by my bed. So for me, having to look into her eyes for the last two days knowing what was going to happen to her on Sunday was exceptionally difficult for me.It almost felt like I was cheating her, betraying her. Unlike people, dogs can offer little retort for your decisions. They cannot object nor reinforce. You have to make those decisions purely on what you feel is absolutely best for them. And I made that decision at around 12.30pm on Friday.15 years is a long time, in my case, half my existence. And she was around for most of the juicier bits of my life. After all, you don't really live until you're about 17 right? So she was there, stumbling in her little puppy-ish feet in 1995 to welcome me back after i finished my very last day of secondary school. Those same feet also shuffled to the door to welcome me back after my first day of proper work. She was there to lick my face when I had my heart broken for the first time, and she was there when I picked my best get-up for my first day of college. She was there to bark a hearty bark of displeasure after our first trip overseas as a family in 2001 and she was there barking to break up a fight between me and my sis in 2002. I can't think of a single memorable moment in my life where Joy was not part of it in some way. So in a way, a part of my existence has died. A part that I will miss terribly in the coming years. She has lived in eight houses in her lifetime, from the flood-happening one in Sec 19 PJ to this one here in Kota Damansara, where she has seen out her last days. She has seen much adventure and have lived as well as my family could afford her to. I am proud of myself, and my family because in many ways, even after 15 years, Joy has never been anything less than extremely important to us. Whether she's been fed, whose room did she sleep in last night and when should we bathe her have always been at the forefront of most of our conversations even up until last week. There were seriously very little things in the world that I would not have dropped if I knew she needed to be tended to urgently. People have been asking me - what is the hardest thing? Or what is the thing I will miss the most? There are countless things. But at the very top of my head, I would miss the soft gentle feel of her fur when I reach over to pat her head every morning. I would miss the sound of her paw clicking against the marble floor downstairs. The boom of her bark around the house whenever someone is at the gate. The coo of her breathing in the quiet afternoon lull. One of my deepest fears was that Joy would die alone, when all of us were out of the house, living our lives. Perhaps therefore it is fitting that she should go this way, allowing us two precious days to spend with her, playing with her, taking pictures and videos with her and showering her with all the love, attention and food we could. She went with the sound of my voice in her left ear and the sound of my sis' voice in her other. She was surrounded by loved ones, loved ones who wept for her and told her that everything was going to be alright and that from now on there would be no more pain. As I sit here typing this note, I already feel such an emptiness as a result of this loss of such a faithful companion. It's a post to not only thank some of you out there that have played with her that I for one am eternally grateful that you've helped enrich her life, even if it was for a moment but also to remind myself constantly of what an important part she was in my life, my family's life.So Joy Joy, wherever you are now, know that 'Ko Ko' misses you very much and he hopes you're not cold or hungry tonight and that you're now in a much better place

Her Endearing Ways

She loved to sit in the morning sun.She hated lightning and thunder. She would butt in to break up arguments between family members by either barking or tugging at our trouser sleeves while growling. She loved cheese slices.She used to stand on her hind legs to greet my dad whenever she wanted to be fedShe used to love sleeping under beds, near electrical sockets or by the shoe racks. She hates baths.She loved Wan Tan Mee. She would do a circular dance motion on her back whenever she's had some, without fail every time. She loved car rides.She loved durian. She used to heave sighs whenever we were nagging her about something.Whenever she wanted food from you, she would sit real close so that her snout was just above your leg so that you can feel some of her drool dripping on you. Once, my sis was irritatingly disturbing her tail when she was sleeping (something she hates) and she growled at my sis. I smacked her for growling and she refused to acknowledge my sis for a week. Not even when she brought cheese slices. She once peed on my room carpet because I scolded her for something.She loved to sleep on this rotan couch we used to have. She preffered to drink water from either the toiler floor or from the top of overturned buckets, hardly ever from her bowl.She loved ice-waterI remember that one time when she merticulously hunted a rat patiently and stepped on it till it died. Not bite mind you, step. She could never be left outside the front yard alone. She would scream to come in when the door is closed. She liked to sit with her back pressed up against the chair you were on.She loved to sleep on her back. She liked to scratch both her front paws on top of mattresses.